The reality is, narcissists are essentially conscienceless, empty voids, wandering the Earth seeking out their next hit of energetic supply. Why narcissistic abuse and trauma bonding is so powerful for codependents, Why the narcissist chose you: Pathological envy, What happens when the narcissist knows youve figured them out, 3 signs the narcissist is preparing to discard you, Emotionally unhook yourself & starve the narcissist of supply: Heres how, Invalidation and narcissism: Why they slowly erase you, The narcissist's word salad: Stop biting now, Proof the narcissist abuses you intentionally and will never change. When the discard phase comes around they dont even attempt to keep their lies straight. It is seized as solid evidence that you are one sick puppy, truly narcissistic! It will not be easy, but your loss of sanity and lost self-worth can be mitigated the sooner you entirely remove yourself. Once the narcissist has completely broken you down and you can no longer fuel their ego, they will discard you. And so tonight I was looking and trying to really understand why everyone's story of the discard is so strong and so full of horror and shock. One of the best things you can do for yourself after being discarded by a narcissist is to talk about it. This is hard, hurtful and exhausting. I actually found these articles by googling how to make a narcissist miserable because she has me so far gone I was ready to just hurt her back right wrong whatever. Joy never lasts for the narcissist though, and the only way for them to retain that initial pleasure is by exerting power over you. Very eloquent. Unfortunately, the love-bombing has little to do with you and a lot to do with the exhilaration the narcissist is feeling about themselves. The narcissists final discard occurs when they finally have squeezed every last ounce of joy and self-worth from you. Their personal history is full of splits with people whom they now hate and refuse to talk to, often over events that they have mostly forgotten. Holiday dinners are very small and not very cheerful. got home and wrote of list of good and bad things about her. Unfortunately, those are things a narcissist can never do, and wont even attempt to fake during a discard. This is unfortunately very much part of the healing journey with cluster b personality disordered individuals who are abusive. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this sites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. The worst mistake you can do is wait for the complete destruction. The narcissist will continue to abuse the victim until they tear the person apart. By the time you get to the final narcissist discard stage, they cant help but show you who they truly are.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_7',120,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0'); Seeing a narcissists mask fall is a truly frightening experience. It was always about how life was unfair to her. Specifically, this means that for many, when the decision is reached, there can be no goodbye, no explanation provided to the other party as to why you need to do this. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), The attraction between Empaths and Narcissists, 6 Ways how Empaths protect themselves from Narcissists, Having an Affair with a Married Narcissist. It is about preventing exposure to any further abuse to begin healing and reclaiming a life of freedom. Some common games someone with narcissistic personality disorder might engage in include: blame shifting deception gaslighting ghosting love bombing playing the victim projection triangulation. You are so on the money. Hes stonewalling me, us all really.. its crazy to watch an adult behave so manipulative & callous. You can speak with someone who has been through the same experience and they will understand everything you are feeling because they have felt the same way. I have now started back to healing live alone and love it but I do not want to always feel I can never trust or date again so that is a constant battle but I feel in time I may be able to just know that there are honest and healthy men out there . They have been left as drug addicts with narcissistic supply being their much-needed drug of choice. I also picked up that he was likely using this to paint me in a bad life to his family & my son, look how angry/bitter/difficult she is & he was a saint putting up with it. The greater and overall more significant outcome of going No Contact is that you are reclaiming your life, your freedom, and your joy. They love the excitement of the chase, not the actual relationship. Whether theyve got a new BFF or soulmate, you can be sure everyone will know about it! I was doing well. It was absolute torture; more especially given the close relationship I had with her children and the subsequent silent treatment/gaslighting. Probably best you stay single since you struggle with gambling addiction and domestic violence. I just discarded my narcissist a week ago after finding out for the 4th time that he has been cheating or planning to cheat. Approach each day w acts of kindness, make someone smile, give a compliment, secretly pay for some ones cup of coffee and watch their expression, etcits the small steps that will help defeat evilness. We do. More than narcissism. [7 Tactics] When Narcissists Gets Sick, How Do They Act? Now you are expected to fix them, solve their problems and take responsibility for that which they refuse to do themselves. It is the compass in finding the path to truth. for the poor new mark. They have two children less than a year apart. The narcissist is well aware that refusing to communicate with you has psychological effects of cruel proportions. Focus on You 3. Youve got this gorgeous one. Im in discard phase, help he has my passwords my emails and unemployment access, bank card numbers hes stopped giving compliments long ago, hes online always on phone date night, date day, date hour, he dont c me when I walk by, hes stealing my clothes and more I have nowhere to go, Slowly change your card number, get new accounts, get new emails, close social media, get new numbers. Time is short for this relationship and controlling you isnt even worth the effort anymore. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. I have lost all respect for him as I know that he is unable to have a normal healthy adult conversation which means hes not able to have a normal healthy adult relationship which is what I wanted. If they continue to talk to you about the narc, beware that they may be a Flying Monkey for the narc. Being discarded by a narcissist is not your fault and you should not blame yourself for what happened. Now that you know some of their flaws though, they must discredit you and prevent you from informing others of their weaknesses. Group 1: The Trophy Hunter. However, its not as easy as that. The idea is to keep you in a state of anxiety, because they need you to feel as though you cant be happy without them. Typically, a narcissist will not care if you ignore them after they discarded you, because they have moved on to new prey. The final discard for me was when our children, who were friends, had a minor fight. Borderline, narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration and Safety. Once the narcissist sees no more value in you (as in, they can no longer siphon you for your resources), they wont bother trying to hoover you back in. What to Expect When the Narcissist Leaves You Alone (Finally! Im currently in this exactly position. No Contact is frequently the last option for victims of narcissistic abuse who are pushed to do so as a self-preservation measure. You can finally be free of their controlling behaviors and hurtful words, but in the moment, a discard feels pretty awful. If you do try to get back together, they will likely discard you again and it will only cause more pain and heartache for you in the long run. To the narcissist though, the discard is a necessary component of preserving their self-image. It is a cycle that will leave the victim without self-esteem, a world full of anxiety, no social life, weak physical health, and traumatic life. Light & love to you. The narcissist ghosting after discard. Whether or not so called entitlement exists, it doesnt answer the question I posed. Once you see them for who they truly are and recognise their hoover tactics, the game is up. Ergo, you are an abusive narcissist. And, late at night when you are lonely and feel yourself weaken, you mustneverevertext them for any reason. I know the worst is yet to come as a narc does not accept rejection lying down. Everything with a narcissist is purely transactional. Things get a lot more complicated if you share finances, children, or a home with the narcissist. 5 ways to counteract the narcissists gaslighting. Moving into a more intimate phase of the relationship is painful for narcissists as it requires them to reveal their faults and accept that their idealized self is a false perception. To those who have experienced it, the discard feels incredibly cold and makes little sense. Yes, you will get over it! All else is futile dear marionfallon1961. Similar situation, that worsened over the years due to his nature and substance abuse issues. I am now estranged from my beautiful daughter and was replaced again when I caught him again lying cheating etc it was the worse hell ever and I thought id never get up again as he had done this to me before and when I healed and the woman he left for dumped him then I was called back again. I know he has lined up a new source of supply, hopefully the wife finds out again and makes his life a living hell. We have what they want more then anything in life. Your existence is in effect deleted from theirs. Hovering is identified as an aggressive technique by a covert narcissist. The pain of the injustices are huge! So I am a example of what a low down narcissistic will do! If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. The act of going No Contact (especially within the context of removing yourself from dysfunctional narcissistic family systems), is perfect because it offers fodder for their campaign. When the narcissist looks at you and says such cruel words, they are in fact looking at the unmet parts of themselves, which they refuse to acknowledge. A man over 35 should be able to communicate and articulate emotions and if he cant hes worth about as much as the dog shit in my backyard in my opinion. This means that the chances of getting back together with the narcissist are slim to none. The narcissist discard phase is so painful and confusing because it seems easy for the narcissist to toss you aside; they appear totally lacking in emotion. *Note Of course, in looking at outcomes for you in enacting No Contact, only the immediate ones are put forward in this piece. He either has been stealing my clothes or hiding them along with other things and than telling me I hid them on myself. When they finally do leave, by moving out or divorcing you, theyll be in a better position to take everything, leaving you with only feelings of self-doubt. However, this is also common when the narcissist discards first. The narcissist discard is an inevitable part of the narcissistic abuse cycle. Eventually, everyone disappoints them and the first person starts to look appealing again, and they reach out to her again for connection. He was unfaithful in the 1st two yrs of marriage; with zero remorse about it. If you live together they'll ignore your very existence and dish out their childish silent treatment. The first step I recommend is to go No Contact with the narcissist. Read a lot about the subject. This approach conveys: you have no value to me. Here are some things to help you not only deal with the discard dished out at the hands of the narcissist, but to actually step into your power and become a stronger person because of it. ), Closure Letter to a Narcissist + Burn & Release Ceremony. Unbeknownst to me I was raised by a narcissist, then fell straight into the arms of another one and spent the next two decades being abused by him. Narcissist has completely broken you down and you can no longer fuel their ego, they will discard.... 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