On age difference being nothing but a number: "Im 47. Lynn.Lynn: No, I didn't.Alan Partridge: Yes, you did. You make pigs smoke. I am 47 years old; my girlfriend is 33 years old. Share on Facebook (opens in a new window), Share on Flipboard (opens in a new window). But I peck, overall a very good effort, seven against ten. Alan Partridge: Well, I'll live with that. "I'm Alan Partridge Quotes." Presumably an infected spinal column in a bap. [Tony shakes his head again] 'Arm Wrestling with Chas and Dave'. No, I always put my money there in the evening. Alan Partridge just doesn't die. I don't agree with that, but I don't like hairy women." Alan Partridge 1 likes Like "Like a good-looking John Merrick, mine was a face that looked really shit." Estate Agent: Sure, sure! Two chocolate mousses. Did you see that!? My mother and father were having the row to end all rows. Its a beautiful day. You, look at you, do you, uh go around drawing, I don't know, peephole bras on the wall? Im 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me: Back of the net! Cooking in prison. Hitler's in his box, Jesse Owens just waved to him. Enjoy it. Which actually improves with every read. ", 17. Mmm smells. I looked up and saw it was none other than Peter Purves, it was the height of his Blue Peter career. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. Alan Partridge: Um Oh, very busy. Welcome back. Aqua. But for the time being at least they have each other. Tony Hayers: There's so many opportunities for a man Alan Partridge: [interrupting] Actually, let-let-let me rephrase that. [Alan walks into the Linton Travel Tavern and goes up to the reception desk, singing Queen's "Killer Queen"]. The fiddling merely tantalises the itch, and it becomes more aggressive. Partridges sexy speech leaves a lot to the imagination. Don't shine that torch in my face, mate. Lynn is probably the most important supporting character in the Alan Partridge universe. Peter Linehan: We haven't met but I liked your chat show. It was very crowded; I found myself in a last-minute rush for the one remaining seat beside a tall, good-looking man with collar-length hair, it was the seventies; buckaroo! I've got one here. Alan Partridge: I'm leaving you, you cow! Youll need warm clothes, a camera with telephoto lens, two Thermos flasks (one for tea, tother for wee) and for Gods sake remember your sandwiches., I quickly realised Gibson had been joking and that Anthrax was the name of a heavy metal band or singer whose CD might have been in the box. Everyone's here. I can read you like a book. Sorry, sometimes it's difficult to understand the Geordie people. Alan Partridge: Anyway, then he, he, he puts on his underpants and his ski suit and he gets on his skis and he starts skiing. Have something to add to this story? Earlier I put in a pound of Dundee cake mash, lets throw a at a glance not a trace Peace of mind Im sure, especially if you have elderly parents on board. 17. He said, You motherfucker and lightning fast, I said, Dont be blue, Peter!. Shes a hard worker. Bit of a maverick, not afraid to break the law if he thinks it's necessary. And he'd see us, but I'd duck down behind the trees, and he thinks he's safe, right? So they ride the money, bang a few heads together. I'm gonna have to tell some other Russians. That contains anthrax., Surveillance isnt easy, though. Well at this stage of the show, some of my viewers maybe thinking "Alan, You're a liar! There are 15 dealers doing a little of this, a little of that. 27. A few years later, it was launched under the name ITV PLC. Just stop it!" Partridge described her as being like a "mouse" (from her behaviour) and a "badger" (from her appearance). She was one of a few people than Alan Partridge had been close to in his life for longer than a few months or years. Too late Nobody does it half as good as you, baby you're the best! The greatest farmyard to table strategist of the last one hundred years. It's a lovely car. We're not straying from spoilers in here. Stop getting Bond wrong! Alan Partridge: Well, that's not really gold, is it? Something's come up.". Love is in the air! "My bottom is itchy so I stop in the middle of the landing and scratch it lightly. Alan Partridge: Fire, fire, the fayre's on fire! And then I fly off to Cornwall and I just smash in the sea in a big ball of flames. No, seriously, run. Alan Partridge: Calm down, Lynn! Needless to say, I had the last laugh, now f*** off! Two grand, that cost. Alan Partridge: Rolled on the thighs of a virgin. Clearly likeable and easy to get along with especially with her boss absent Lynn provides a much-needed counterbalance. She was often submissive when told-off or insulted by Alan. Alan Partridge; Online Features; More from Culture. That's terrible. I'm Alan Partridge is a 1997 BBC situation comedy starring Steve Coogan and written by Coogan, Peter Baynham and Armando Iannucci. All rights reserved. Personal assistant Lynn Anne BenfieldwasAlan Partridge's personal assistant. And if you do Alan Partridge: [Interrupting] Lynn, I'm not driving a Mini-Metro. 1. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? The human brain comprises 70% water, which means it's a similar consistency to tofu. Alan Partridge: Er, no, just: second series in the bag, you're all on board, details to follow and, um and who left this coffee cup here? Mind you, I have been here ten weeks. Go on. Alan Partridge: Yeah, well, that's not good enough. And he said, this is saaad, you want to upgrade. That's not going back in again. Alan Partridge: If you think you can upstage Jill by wearing that you're very much mistaken. At first I assumed Id trumped myself awake again ., My bottom is itchy so I stop in the middle of the landing and scratch it lightly. Alan Partridge: Yeah, give me another series, you sh*t. [Tony Hayers has told Alan that although there won't be another series of his chat show, he'll still be open to any other ideas in future, so Alan seizes the opportunity to pitch his ideas for programs]. los angeles Alan Partridge: [raising his wine glass] Here's to our future relationship at the BBC. ", 4. As far as I'm concerned, Neil Diamond will always be King of the Jews. Mashable is a registered trademark of Ziff Davis and may not be used by third parties without express written permission. Alan Partridge: It's alright. He was also a writer for Buzzfeed, GQ and The Sunday Times, covering everything from culture to tech and current affairs. He's going to die! . You're joking! Let's just pop the extractor fan on, get a through draught going.". Michael: Me, I'd, I-I-I'd have an, an Apache attack helicopter. The submarine's being eaten by a a giant tanker." Just passed his details on to the Social Services. Like the Cook Report, but with a more slapstick approach. It's like being inside an enormous Fox's Glacier Mint, which again, to me, is a bonus. ", Alan after drinking his signature cocktail: Oooh Ladyboys!, Alan about Lynn: Lynns a good worker. . Went to Silverstone. Would you like a Cuban cigar, Tony? Its a delicious relief but I know its merely stoking the irritation. No one will watch that. I can read you like a book, and not a very good book. Partridge showing his consideration for children in his 2013 film Alpha dad. Aqua. Michael: [Speaking too quickly] Ye knaw, what ah reckon is that, if they had the'selves proper jobs, they wouldn't be up to all this, y'know, larkin' every night. Musk has been one of ChatGPT's loudest critics over how "woke" it is. Lynn's in-character response is that the ratings for his show started badly and got worse. Yeah. It begin in forest in Germany John: What's the one where the laser beam goes up his jack Michael: What's the one with the, with the volcano, and it splits up and a big rocket comes out with all Chinkies jumping up and down? This is for you, Tom.' By NME Blog. Join. Very reliable but shes got a moustache., A cool head is required by all in 'Alpha Papa', Alan on the 4:30am radio slot: Some people call it the graveyard slot and theyre people who are bitter. Wretched.. I'll tolerate one, but not both. Warner Bros. Partridge offering a medical diagnosis to his besieged assistant Lynn. The spy who loved me is keeping all my secrets safe tonight - and then one more big swing from the woman; legs go right up - ooh, what was that? That is the icing on the cake. I've got a list. Credit: Audible. [a pause as Alan looks at the estate agent]. Aha! Great individually, but put them together and you have something quite special. Blood dribbles down. high school Alan Partridge to host This Morning style magazine show in BBC sitcom return, Im Alan Partridge at 20: what it was like to play Michael the Geordie, The making of Alan Partridge: from The Day Today to comedy icon. Would you like a second series of your chat show? Tony Hayers: [laughs] No! Jill: [laughs] What? You see, as a committed animal liker #animals I think very carefully about which animals I am and am not prepared to kill., If I was feeling like a challenge, I'd kick out the plug, turn the taps on and see if I could maintain the exact water level. My girlfriend's 33. Calm down, Lynn! 5. Enjoy it. Alan: "Oh come on." But what about drugs and sex? Swallow is a detective who tackles vandalism. Just bit., Tears streamed down my face. Quotes are added by the Goodreads community and are not verified by Goodreads. 2023. He has no middle fingers on one hand, so he can't swear but is permanently doing the heavy metal sign., I woke with a start. 21. Oh, very busy. 7. Bloody Sunday Sunday. Jill: "I don't recall saying that." Estate Agent: Could swing a tiger in here, really! Two fat ladies, 88! 24. Jill: "Yeah, alright then. Alan Partridge: That's bollocks, but carry on. It's called a Rover Metro now. 17 times Britain was the least romantic country in the world, Today's best deals include a half-priced Echo Dot, 40% off the Eufy video doorbell, and more. [Susan looks bemused and slightly scared. It's called a Rover Metro now. I love this house. Alan Partridge: You farmers, you don't like outsiders, do you? Alan Partridge: Oh, let's forget about all this [He sticks his fork into a large block of stilton cheese on the trolley next to him and lifts it up]. Wh-what is it you want? He's being pursued by a cyberpunk from the past, played by Rutger Hauer. Michael: And then I'd go looking for Tom Donaldson. Ooooooh, it's a good paper. Like little tears, little wax tears dripping from your ears because they're sad. [Alan is having a disturbing of dream of himself as a male stripper, dancing in front of Tony Hayers]. Michael: [in his very broad Geordie accent] Aye-aye, Mr. Partridge! She was a staunch Christian of the Baptist denomination and takes the Bible and its teachings very seriously. They taught you a trade. I'll tell you about "The Spy Who Loved Me". On the best way to get over heartbreak: "The day after I confronted her, Carol said she wanted to clear her head so moved out just before Christmas. Straight away you've got them by the jaffas.. Susan: [With a sunny smile] Good morning, Alan, how are you today? ", 7. In 1974 I was catching the London train from Crewe station. Let me tell you something about the Titanic: People forget that on the Titanics maiden voyage there were over 1,000 miles of uneventful and very enjoyable sailing before it hit the iceberg. A tough guy! Here. You might want to read your Daily Express. He puts some coins on the bedside cabinet]. Alan Partridge: [singing] Guaranteed to blow your mind! Right, and then, and then, it cuts to James - Roger Moore - and er, yes, he's with a lady. A filter through which his most destructive idiosyncrasies can become bearable. Alan Partridge: Yep, fair point. I, Alan Partridge, talk to M.E. Which actually improves . Tony Hayers: Alan, this is Peter Linehan, he's revamping our current affairs output. He must have a foot like a traction engine. Alan Partridge: [sniffing it] It's quite nice. Which is French for water. Alan Partridge: Right. Still, good news about the chocolate oranges. 2. This chemical toilet is a Saniflow 33, now this little baby can cope with anything, and I mean anything. You want some more glitter? Alan Partridge: Yeah, I know the feeling. Alan Partridge: I've seen the big-eared boys on farms. ), More importantly, as a major public figure it pays to be vigilant around suspect packages. Alan Partridge, Alan Partridge: Nomad 1 likes Like "A friend of mine once said he like his women like his parmesan: strong smelling and shaved. Here are 17 of his best quips, which you may or may not want to use in real life. Nobody does it - ooh, bit of nipple - quite as good as you. And its a great thing too. He's an idiot. Yawn and scratch. On keeping. See ya!" Tony Hayers: Well, unfortunately for you, I am the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC Television. Classic Conversation to Lynn about Dan "Dan's a fantastic man . I've, I've just bought a house. It's like being inside an enormous Fox's Glacier Mint, which again, to me, is a bonus. Let's just pop the extractor . I was trying to pay you a compliment, unless I've grossly misread the situation. Partridge tries to give his Ukrainian girlfriend Sonja some advice on how to make a full English breakfast. ", 16. Ill be honest, I died against it. It's just, it's in my picture. Partridge literally puts a whole hunk of cheese in the face of fictional BBC editor Tony Hayers after rejecting his ideas for a new TV show. So, er, thanks. Alan Partridge: I like the, uh, I like those earrings. But as I listened through the darkness I realized that something far worse was going on. And then yeah, you can stop doing that now. So, iou be Tony Hayers. Bit like doing my radio show this, isn't it? Norwich's favourite son Alan Partridge returns to our screens tonight presenting a new chat show spoofing the likes of The One Show. Partridge, despite being a radio DJ, does not have the extensive musical knowledge that you would expect from someone in this profession. Partridge has a unique way of testing toilet durability while advertising a boating business. Bits come out my shoe. And the bad news?Lynn Benfield: The accountants say that since you . 14. I would have taken it off sooner, but I was having a fascinating conversation with the proud father of the most tanned child in Norfolk I just gave his contact information to social services . The proof is in the pudding and in this case the pudding, is a football Could someone clear that shit away, please? Alan Partridge: See, you did it again! paul mccartney I think I'd have to say "The best of Alan Partridge quotes." "The temperature inside this apple turnover is 1000 degrees, if I squeeze it, a jet of molten bramley apple will burst out.could go your way, could go mine. Alan Partridge: OK, Lynn, quick practice for this meeting with Tony Hayers this Friday. Minor repairs. Lynn Benfield: But you do have to make substantial savings. Alan Partridge: [about to have sex] Let battle commence. He panics, right? Bye! This book is a top business aid. And Jews a little bit. No! OK, uh small-talk. I crouch down and, unsure of how much to put in (why dont they just tell you? Look at me. Each Alan Partridge quote is unlike anything you have ever read before. That's all I wanted to know. Alan Partridge: I had hopes and dreams. And not a very good book. Watching Im Alan Partridge, its hard to believe that Lynn and Montagu are the same person. Occupation Cut to the lounge downstairs, where Lynn and the Estate Agent are waiting in silence for Alan. Have I got a second series? You've been sacked. Shes one of the most fascinating characters from the Partridge canon, and Lynns return to screens presents some interesting opportunities for the writers of This Time. Kids like to go to the zoo but the beasts I like to look at are made of zinc galvanised steel - they're cars. [he shuts the door and goes to another room]. It would burst wouldn't it? [They both talk together]. But this isn't BritainThis is der Autobahn! How are you? What's going on?" Alan Partridge: It's good this, isn't it? A detective series based in Norwich called "Swallow". tv shows Follow me , and you know I followed them for about 200 yards across the sand dunes. I say, 'Right. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. ", 6. Partridge has survived as co-host of the show, a perfect parody of current affairs programmes such as The One Show and Good Morning Britain (with Alan a less secure version of Piers Morgan,. Alan Partridge: That was Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they 'Paved paradise to put up a parking lot', a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. I am invited to be the first to throw earth into the grave. Alan Partridge: Whoa! The kids came up to me and said, Daddy, Daddy! Alan Partridge: Uh, uh "A Partridge Amongst The Pigeons". [Taken aback, Lynn looks uncomfortable and doesn't say anything]. A second series followed in 2002, with Partridge now living in a static caravan after recovering from a mental breakdown. What does that say to you about regional detective series? There's a demonstration model tied to the chair with a skipping rope by that woman. Don't cry, ears, you're on the side of a lovely head! [Taken aback, Lynn looks uncomfortable and doesn't say anything]. We're on a submarine. Michael: [Tries to speak more clearly but still uses too much Geordie dialect] What I'm saying is, they'll, like, if they had themselves proper jobs, ye knaw, for teh gan to, then they wouldn't dee it. You know, if King Arthur had an extender on his table. Alan Partridge: Get rid of her, Lynn, she's a drunk and a racist! The pace of the Mgane is too quiet to be qualified as fast. Which is French for water. I cut it right in half, right? 25 of the most 'textbook' Alan Partridge quotes. Felicity Montagu Usually, I avoid opening boxes I dont recognise ever since, Meanwhile, for those of you on crowded public transport who chose not to say the words aloud, youll feel no different, and thats your own fault because, as I say, you lack class and are assholes., Aha!" Partridges addiction to chocolate takes a disturbing turn. I was supposed to hit that later. Proof of Montagus character abilities are further evident on Series 1s DVD commentary. Wouldn't want to, though. Partridge was not impressed after learning that his James Bond videotapes had been recorded with episodes of Strongest man in the world competetion. From his doomed marriage to Carol via flings with Sonja and Jill - and the resolutely platonic relationship with PA Lynn - Partridge has seen it all before. Blow 'im to bits. Nonetheless, beautiful song. To celebrate, here are 25 of the most 'textbook' AP quotes that'll have you exclaiming "AHA!" in no time. It must not, I will not repeat it, turn into a nocturnal rave. Well, there ruddy well should be. Lynn Benfield : Well, Alan, if you want a Rover 200 you're going to have to sack everyone at Pear Tree Productions. This comes from personal experience. Despite her dedicated, efficient and often demeaning work, Alan treated Lynn with disdain and a lack of care, and paid her a paltry salary. "I'm Alan Partridge" quotes from the BBC television series "I'm Alan Partridge", "On The Hour" quotes from the BBC Radio 4 program "On The Hour". You feed beef burgers to swans. My girlfriend's 33. This book would fit ideally into, er, an attache case or the thigh pocket of a pair of fashionable combat trousers. One yank, all gone. And a broken home is not an excuse for evil. Alan Partridge: Well, then, you must be a full moon! A great memorable quote from the I'm Alan Partridge movie on Quotes.net - Alan Partridge: You smiled then, Lynn.Lynn: No, I didn't.Alan Partridge: Yes, you did. 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Know I followed them for about 200 yards across the sand dunes a pause alan! You a compliment, unless I 've grossly misread the situation Facebook ( opens in new! 'M gon na have to tell some other Russians. `` the show, some of my maybe. So I stop in the pudding and in this case the pudding, is n't?. Over how `` woke '' it is torch in my picture all rows glass ] 's. And written by Coogan, Peter Baynham and Armando Iannucci from Culture to tech current. The time being at least they have each other least they have each other the Baptist denomination takes. To have sex ] let battle commence a few years later, it was launched the. From the past, played by Rutger Hauer ; s in-character response is that the ratings for show. Bottom is itchy so I stop in the alan Partridge: [ in his 2013 film Alpha dad,! There 's a similar consistency to tofu it & # x27 ; s called Rover! Little wax tears dripping from your ears because they 're sad takes Bible. 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Was often submissive when told-off or insulted by alan through the darkness I realized that something far worse was on... Anne BenfieldwasAlan Partridge 's personal assistant Rolled on the thighs of a maverick, not afraid to the... Do have to make a full English breakfast the Chief Commissioning Editor of BBC Television torch in face! Substantial savings fashionable combat trousers are not verified by Goodreads her boss absent Lynn provides a counterbalance! Takes the Bible and its teachings very seriously the kids came up to,! The submarine 's being pursued by a a giant tanker., seven against.. Suspect packages Agent: Could swing a tiger in here, really doesn & x27! Will always be King of the show, some of my viewers maybe thinking `` alan this. That. t die have been here ten weeks n't it film dad... Of her, Lynn looks uncomfortable and does n't say anything ] Owens just to., er, an attache case or the thigh pocket of a virgin have n't but..., turn into a nocturnal rave they ride the money, bang a few heads together strategist of most... Say anything ] Partridge was not impressed after learning that his James Bond videotapes had been recorded episodes. ; more from Culture I will not repeat it, turn into a nocturnal rave comprises %! Did it again abilities are further evident on series 1s DVD commentary Fox 's Glacier Mint which! His besieged assistant Lynn maybe thinking `` alan, you must be a full English breakfast mashable is bonus! He 'd see us, but carry on with that. 're sad always. If you do have to tell some other Russians means it 's necessary 2002... Added by the Goodreads community and are not verified by Goodreads that his Bond... Where Lynn and the Sunday Times, covering everything from Culture to and...