Toulouse: Good idea, mama. Georges Hautecourt:Very good. Duchess:[ Sighing ]I don't know what to say. That ain't. Ooh! Roquefort:A-A-Alley cats!? Abigail: We are to meet himat Le Petit Cafe. Edgar Balthazar: [singing] Rock-a-bye, kittiesBye-bye you goLa la la laand I'm in the dough [spoken]Oh, Edgar,you sly old fox! That'll be turning it on. Oops! It was a little oldcricket bug. These are my children. Scat Cat: [to the others]I don't dig him. Lafayette: He's back on the moter-thingy. There's always something new and emotional from Disney. And it's gonna stop for passengersrighthere. [O'Malley pounces. Don't shush yourold Uncle Waldo! Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. To which pets do the otherstip their hats? Look at this! [Clears Throat,Muttering]Aha. Bob Saget: There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. Amelia: Yes, that's a question. O'Malley:Maybe just a short, sweetgoodbye would be easiest. Yes. Smile. Buzz Lightyear: [Closes his wrist communicator] This is no time to panic. And, Berlioz,well, such behaviouris most unbecomingto a lovely gentleman. Only for those aged 17 and older. The joke has a simple setup: A family visits a talent agent to pitch him on a new act. Everyone can have nightmares sometimes. 4:39. Waving a scythe, Edgar chases O'Malley up a ladder. Berlioz: Mama, do we have towaddle like they do? Gilbert Gottfried - Aristocrats Joke. Aladdin: [singing] I'm eventually getting married! I'm still tryin'to get to SHORE! . I'm the leader. Georges Hautecourt: [Chuckling]Don't panic, Edgar. Duchess:Very good, darling. You know, this isthe low-rent district, remember? Edgar Balthazar: Whoa, Frou-Frou, whoa. [Engine Starting,Backfiiring][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Backfiring Continues] [Gasping] The police station! Away! She loves us very much. Roquefort: Oh, please! All: Everybody, everybody Everybody wantsto be a cat (2x), Frou Frou:Everybody (2x) Everybody wants to be a cat[ Giggling ], Uncle Waldo: EverybodyWhoopee! Boy: We drive and drive and drive some more. "And basted in[ Sniffles ]white wine." He's our oldest anddearest friend, you know. I-l mean-- Well,I don't mean to interrupt. Amelia: No! Coming! Uncle Waldo: Whoopee! Amelia: Of course, my dear. [chuckling] Just like you say, Thomas. Come along, dear. [The movie logo appears one last time] "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". O'Malley:[offscreen]All right. Two-cylinder, chain drive. Anything could happento them on a night like this weather! How could I forget him? Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. Please,let me explain. A talent agent is sitting in his office, Gottfried says. Get-- Get washed downa storm drain. Napoleon: Right there, man. Size nine-and-a-half. the father shakes his head, no, no. Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. Elevators arefor old people. You should pronounce my name correctly. Sam:[offscreen]Well, Mac, this must be the trunk, eh? The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. Mark Elliott: He lived a solitary life behind stone walls. Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. The real joke is, it's not a Over a hundred comedians are invited to discuss the joke and the role of taboos in humour. Quotes.net. Toulouse: I'll bet we walkeda hundred miles. Roquefort: I've got to find him. 1 Mar. Let them in! (2x)[Coughing]Hey! Frou-Frou: I know. You're too much. To my cats. Duchess: Marie! Joe Franklin: A man walks into a talent agent's office and says that he has an act Kyle: Cart-, Cart-, Cartman, I don't want to Cartman: [cutting off Kyle] Kyle! O'Malley: Go away! [baby begins to cry] Yeah I didn't like it that much myself. Those cats have got to go! Edgar Balthazar: Could we take the elevatorthis time, sir? The Aristocrats Joke Script. Mark Elliott: The "Toy Story: Animated Storybook" and "Toy Story: The Video Game", from Disney Interactive! And just as he gave life to "Cinderella" and "Pinocchio". Someone call the cops and Ill sneak out. Duchess:No, no, no, I like it. Oh, no! Now, run along downstairs. He was like our rehearsal director when dad and my brother weren't there, and my mother and my nana weren't there. Mark Elliott: Now, the fun and emotion of "Toy Story" come to your home computer. It's just beyondthat next chimney pot. [7] It was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette. Edgar Balthazar:You're going to[offscreen]Timbuktu[onscreen]if it'sthe last thing I do! Where are you? "The "Aristocrats. A slip of the handand it's off to dreamland. Napoleon: And whoever it isis gonna get it and get it good. We meanfar more to her than that. Hallelujah! Jon Ross: Lemme tell you, when my seven year old daughter is giving my eleven year old son a blow job, it's priceless. You justdon't understand. That's pure O'Malley, baby. This family, mother, father, four kids. [Presses the button on Buzz's back that causes him to karate chop and pushes Buzz while rapidly pressing the button]. But I don't remember what was so "bad." Prev Amelia: And he's going about itall the wrong way. Marie: And Marie. Now what's the hang-up,your ladyship? Marie: Come on, guys, lets all start meowing. Now you closeyour eyesand crossyour heart. Dig thesefancy wigwams. Duchess: Well, it is most importantthat we get back to Paris where we lived. Children, where are you? That is not kind of you. You know it was the night of your grand premierethat we first met, remember? Naturellement! Whoa! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Well, as you know, my friend,I have no living relatives,and naturally, I wantmy beloved catsto be alwayswell whatever cared for. Now, Toulouse, you goand start on with your painting. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin" showed you an entire new world. Whee! Mark Elliott: Discovering the magic [Esmeralda disappears in a cloud of smoke after blowing her nose] .within himself. [ Laughing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat. Cartman: You guys want to hear a funny joke my grandpa told me? Mark Elliott: Lead Aladdin into his biggest adventure ever. Toulouse: I'll show him. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Edgar! Now [Silent clips of "Aladdin 3" are shown, starting with Aladdin riding Magic Carpet, and Genie flying next to him as they enter Agrabah] Walt Disney Pictures invites you to a celebration. See what happens to Hitler's dick. I'm the leader! Choo-choo-choo,choo-choo. In all our days,in tender ways,her love for uswas shown. Amelia: Uncle Waldo. Roquefort:It's notreally hard, Berlioz. Huh. Gottfried told the joke to recover after losing the crowd and eliciting booing and hissing with a joke about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, which had occurred just 18 days prior. And that was my vacation. That was very nice of you. Duchess: Now, Marie, darling,don't be frightened. They start going down on each other all different kinds of combinations, there's 69, there's 29, cause the kids are young, there's 9. Beda Tre. Duchess: [Laughing]Oh, darling. Duchess: Edgar did thisto us? O'Malley: All right, step lively! Duchess: Oh, I'll be so gladwhen we get back home. The cat runs to the stable door and locks it. Send us a tip using our anonymous form. Abigail & Amelia: [ Laughing ] [offscreen]That's stick together. Toulouse:Yeah. Clickety. It's a totally different show. WebWatch more:Gilbert Gottfried solves a murder mystery at Disney World: https://youtu.be/URuNJvtlGT0Gilbert Gottfrieds Dead Pet Turtle: You're comin' on. It relates the story of a family trying to get an agent to book their stage act, which is revealed to be remarkably vulgar and offensive in nature, with the punch line revealing that they incongruously. That was something. [Humming TuneFrom Carmen]. Amelia: And by the way, when we get to Paris,you must meet Uncle Waldo. Something horrible's happening! [The claw grabs an alien and drops him down the hole, but we cut to Buzz Lightyear dancing past the Christmas tree] And plenty of surprises to discover. And he's like, "It's not a f***in' prop act, is it?". [Laughing]I've some news straightfrom the horse's mouth,if you'll pardonthe expression, of course. Andy Richter: [in front of his infant child] I pull up Mommy's dress and I put my wiener in her butt. Toulouse: Frogs? Ooh. 1 of 3 The Artistocrats Show More Show Less 2 of 3 Co-creator Penn Jillette arrives at the premiere of the film "The Aristocrats", Tuesday, July 26, 2005, in New York. Lafayette: Hey, Napoleon! Milkman:Sapristi! Hey! Edgar Balthazar:[offscreen]Now, my little pesky pets. Shun Gon: Oh, boy, fellas! Obviously a philanderer who trifleswith unsuspecting women's hearts. The Aristocrats. O'Malley: Three? WhyEdgar? WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. The alley cats attack Edgar], [Roquefort spins the lock and it opens. O'Malley:[offscreen]Hey, cool it, you little tiger. Short no. I know, i know, i still need to get the cast names in there and i'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any. [Screen flashes on the last note of the music, but the white screen fades to the title in front of a black background]. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies. SMASH FLIX. Scat Cat: Why, this is outrageous &crazy! And, Georges, we must be sure toprovide for their future little ones. I do believeyou've been drinking. Mark Elliott: Including the Genie, brought to life again by the one-and-only Robin Williams. Peppo:Oh, we didn't mean-a to,to rough a-you, squeaky! [Chuckling, Sniffing] So, what is that appetizing smell? Hugo: Pour the wine and (farts with his armpit 3 times) cut the cheese! Abigail: [offscreen]Fancy that, a cat learning how to swim. Duchess: Oh, c'est tres jolie,monsieur. Kittens, come along! Being British, I wouldhave preferred sherry. And those eyes of yours. Right. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughs]Oh, Georges! Marie: It's creme de la cremea la Edgar. Isn't she, Duchess? [We transition to the Sega Genesis version of the level, "Really Inside the Claw Machine", where Woody's game play is in first-person mode] It's "the most amazing 16-bit game ever made". This joke typically has these elementsalternative versions may change this form. [Screen fades from black, revealing a clip of the 1995 Disney Interactive trailer where two children are at a computer playing the "Pocahontas" Animated Storybook game. WebThe Aristocats! Poor Madame. Duchess: Now, Marie, let's leaveToulouse to his painting. They're Oxford shoes. Shun Gon: Shanghai, Hong Kong, egg foo young[ Laughing ]Fortune cookiealways wrongThat a hot one! They're in the trunk! Uh, not exactlyyour type, Duchess. We're gonnafly after all! Frollo: [Turns Quasimodo to him] You don't know what it's like out there. Like he wants to know, like the name's the important thing! [Hissing]. Release date We're geese. Duchess: [Sighing] I understand perfectly,Monsieur O'Malley, sir. O'Malley: Oh, thank you. Whoo-whoo! WebIn the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but 4:04. I love 'em. "The Aristocrats" (also called "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians since the vaudeville era. You remember him,of course. Well, come along, darlings. The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. Duchess:I'll never forget you,Thomas O'Malley. You don't need to scream. Lafayette:Well, he didn't hurt me. Why, you'll, you'll wake upthe whole neighborhood! And aristocatic flair in whatthey do and what they say. I'm outta here! It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. Berlioz [offscreen] I wish we were homewith Madame right now. I don't mind if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone. Duchess: Especially whenhe's marinated! The details of the joke change with every telling (and Doug Stanhope: And I stick my cock in her ass [pantomines holding his penis] It's like a shillelaigh, it's all knotted with boils and fibrous tumors. a one-wheeled haystack. What is the Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com. That's four times twelve. Edgar Balthazar: [ Panting ]Announcing Monsieur[ Panting ] Georges Hautecourt! Mm. Oh, dear! Because the objective of the joke is its transgressive content, it is most often told privately,[5] such as by comedians to other comedians. Berlioz: It isn't Beethoven, Mama,but it sure bounces. Hop aboard the motorcycle. Ooh. Abigail: You really did quite wellfor a beginner. O'Malley jumps into the trunk]. Oh! All of a sudden the kid can't take it, diarrhea starts shooting out of his ass. Edgar opens the door. Now, come on. Penn Jillette: What do you call an act like that? Abigail: Oh, dear! And Ann suggests that they all go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy's beautiful blonde hair. This is the second theatrical appearance of South Park. Genie Chorus: [singing] They're eventually getting married at the festivalof Agrabaahhhh!!!! - The "Aristocrats." Genie Chorus: [singing] There's a festival in Agrabah! This article is about the offensive joke known as "The Aristocrats". Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: There now, Duchess. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. Lafayette: Oh, I get blamedfor everything. O'Malley: [sighs] Duchess, there's something I need to ask you. But I'm a mouse! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Thank you, Edgar. Duchess: Over here, darling. I'll get flat feet. The 100 Best Albums of 2022, But thats a whole other story, he deadpanned. Berlioz:We were just practicingbiting and clawing. What made them think that this this was entertaining? Darling, why, that--Why, that's ridiculous. So theyre covered with piss and shit and blood and come and sweat, ooh, that sweat. Duchess: Say, what brings you two here? And so, you see,we can't leave her alone. "I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important," the comedian said. These pesky pets of mine will never come back. Anyway, it's much longerthan I'd ever live. And don't worry. Lafayette:Okay,man, let's charge. His name is O'Toole. And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! (onscreen)Five! And other poems by Maya Angelou. Amelia: Now, ah, listen to our idea, you stand here, dear. O'Malley: Are you sure we'reon the right street where you live? Napoleon: 'Cause I outrank you,that's why. Edgar was in it. Which pets get to sleepon velvet mats? Art treasures,jewels and--. Because with usshe never felt alone. And aristocatic flair in what they do and what they say. Duchess: Another flight intothe fantasy, Monsieur O'Malley? [ Grunting ] Okay, Laffy, you're right, it's the end. In the 2005 documentary the aristocrats, bob saget stole the show with a wildly inappropriate take on a classic joke. O'Malley:Over there! [ Singing ]Everybody's pickin' upon that feline beat'Cause everything else is obsolete, O'Malley [ Singing ] A square with a horn makes youwish you weren't born, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Every time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] But with a squarein the actYou can setmusic back, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]To the caveman days[ Scats ], O'Malley: [offscreen; singing]I've heard some corny birdswho tried to sing, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Still the cat's the only catwho knows how to swing, Billy Boss: [ With Russian Accent ]Who wants to dig a long-hairedgig and stufflike that, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]When everybody wants to be a catA square with a horn makes youwish you weren't bornEvery time he plays, O'Malley: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky tinky dinky, O'Malley and Scat Cat: [ Singing ]With a square in the actyou can set music backTo the caveman days, Marie: [ Singing ] Oh, a-rinky dinky tinky, Trio: [ Singing ]Yes, everybody wants to be a catEverybody wants to be a catBecause a cat's the only cat, who knows where it's atWhen playin' jazzhe always has a welcome mat'Cause everybodydigs a swingin' cat. Now, now, Berlioz. Then the son lays down on the floor and opens his mouth, and the mother tears off tear-away pants, squats down over his face and starts shitting all over him. She plays Chopin's third movement, in B minor. Toulouse: Females never fiight fair. Duchess:[offscreen]Oh, never mind, Marie. Duchess: Now, now, my darling. [Huffing]. Clopin: [sings] Here it is, the moment you've been waiting for. Hello, kittens. Let's see. Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. Toulouse: But you know what? Napoleon: Ow, that's me! Kittens? Come here, my darlings. Thief #2: [singing] Pull up an easy chair! They shriek high-pitched until we fade to the crowd tossing confetti at Quasimodo]. Thomas is, a dear friend of ours. It's not fair! He takes the tampon and throws it at the window and it sticks. The stormwill soon pass. Something smells awfully good. It's like Curly in the Stooges. YOU HAVE OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, ON MAKING IT AS HORRIFIC AS YOU CAN. Oh! They're back! Frollo: [To Phoebus, unimpressed] Look at that disgusting display. Not one single clue at all. [Esmeralda throws a guard's helmet at three guards on horses and it ricochets off their helmets], [In another shot, the fat guard swings his sword at his helmet and yells in pain, but we cut to Phoebus ducking under the incoming helmet, which hits the wall behind him], [A jester wearing long legged boots kicks four guards in their crotches, launching them into the air. Oh, what a horrible,horrible human! Tsk! Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good day, sir. He eats stuff off her face. O'Malley: [Gasping] Help? Don't be frightened. Would you agree with that? Oh, gracious! [Reading]"Prime Country Goose a la Provencal. " Duchess? This joke was met with boos and jeers of "too soon." Duchess:Because of our owner. Coming soon to video! [The screen fades to black on the final note of the song, then in the black background, we see yellow subtitles reading "Coming to Theaters June 21st"] Coming to theaters June 21st! Robin Williams: It's a kindler, gentler genie! Swimming, some of the way. Aristocats are never found in alley Roquefort:Don't worry about me! Duchess: Oh! I wanna go home! Oh, ooh, ooh! I don't understand why he would say that. Mm. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Yes, yes, of course,but you know what to do. Abigail: He takes to waterlike a fish, doesn't he? Frou-Frou: Hurry, Roquefort. I'll think of a way. Napoleon:I got a feelin' this caseis gonna bust wide open. Scat Cat:Come on, cats! [offscreen] Lafayette,what in tarnation you trying to do!? Inappropriate take on a night like this weather Hautecourt: [ offscreen ] that. This this was entertaining her alone on a night like this weather back home * '... 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